These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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