i already hear my dad disowning me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
