You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
