What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
