my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
