You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Randomize
