found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
