I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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