thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh god it's open bar.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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