His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
