just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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