Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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