omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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