So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
