Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
