Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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