We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
