i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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