It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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