i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
