The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
