The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
