i jhust puked up my retainher.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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