A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
