I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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