I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
