woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
