You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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