You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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