The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
cat food counts as protein by the way
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
