Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
