I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
