dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Drunk is not a location!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
