That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
