Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
