Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
