If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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