It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
