I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
