Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
