I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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