I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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