well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
