I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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