Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
