Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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