my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish you could order shots online.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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