I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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