The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
