First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
