You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
