I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
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He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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