My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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