I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
