the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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