If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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