i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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