best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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