Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
