I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
