Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
