As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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