PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
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My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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