Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better

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(540): View more from Virginia

Are you pooping in the stall next to me?

(404): View more from Georgia

Maybe....

(540): View more from Virginia

Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.

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(815): View more from Illinois

And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.

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(503): View more from Oregon

For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"

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(775): View more from Nevada

He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home

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(646): View more from New York

I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Let the record show that I hate your ass.

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